It will never be me
by Nameless Shadow Rises
Summary: This is an OC/ Deeks/ Kensi story and has some spoilers in it. If you don't want to know don't read. I don't own any characters but Gabriella. Read and enjoy.


I had just gotten out of my biology class when my cell phone started ringing, I looked down and it was an unknown 323 area code number. I assumed it was my brother G. Callen so I answered.

"Hello."

"Hey is this Gabriella Callen?" A woman on the other end of the phone asked.

"Yes this is her, may I ask who's calling?"

"My name is Kensi Blye, I work with your brother Callen at NCIS; also Marty Deeks is my partner." When I heard the last name I froze I haven't heard from Deeks in almost three years. I snapped out of my trance.

"Is Cal okay?"

"Yes, your brother is fine. I am calling for Deeks."

"Um, okay why may I ask? I haven't talked to Marty in three years."

"Yes I know the story between you two, but he needs you."

"Why is that?" I asked really confused and doubtful.

"Deeks is going to need you."

"Kensi I am sure Marty is the last person that wants to see me. Considering you say you know the story about us then you know it did not end nicely."

"It ended?" She asked shocked.

"Yes, he is in love with his partner. You actually, rather than me." There was silence.

"I don't think that is the truth please come see him." She said slightly begging.

"Give me the hospitals address and I will think about it." She gave me the address and we hung up after our goodbyes.

I didn't know what to do, Deeks got himself into trouble? Sounds like him to get himself in a tight spot. I sighed out, "I still love him." I got to my apartment and started packing. Grabbing a couple of everything I would need and head out for the three hour drive to LA. I got lost in thought millions of questions running through my mind.

I wasn't sure what he would say or do. If he had forgotten me or just didn't care. I had to see him though every fiber of my heart had to make sure he was okay. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around tortured that was terrible what could he have done to cause that to happen? How? Was another thing that ran through my mind right after the question why?

I finally pulled in front of the E.R I must have had really good timing because right them an ambulance went to the entrance and I saw Deeks, Sam and Kensi. I quickly got out and ran over to them.

"Kensi, what happened?" She stopped right in his tracks, turned around, and met my eyes.

"Gabriella?" She asked almost like it couldn't have possibly been me.

"Yes." We were running alongside Sam's and Deeks's stretchers. We had finally gotten to the room Kensi grabbed Deeks's hand trying to get him too corporate with the doctors which she was having no luck in doing.

Deeks was still struggling, I saw Sam moving down his oxygen mask telling the Doctor and Kensi to "give him a minute." He dropped Kensi's hand and reached out for mine, I gently took it and traded places with Kensi. "Hey Shags, you need to listen to the doctor or bad shits going to happen." I said looking at him into his traumatized eyes. He nodded slightly as he started listening to the Doctor but not letting go of my hand. Some older guy came into the room and told Kensi it was time to go back to work. So for a few minutes it was just me Sam and Deeks.

"I'm sorry miss but you are going to have to go." The Doctor tells me. Deeks started freaking out shaking his head no and holding tight to my hand. "Shags it is okay I'll be here when you get out I promise but you need to be helped." I lightly kissed his forehead as he let go of my hand, and passed out from I assume the pain.

I am not sure how long I sat in the waiting room, it felt like an eternity. I had some time fallen to sleep in the chair to be woken up from the doctor.

"How is he?" I asked.

"He got through all the surgeries just fine, he is awake you can go see him if you wish." I nodded and headed to his room, he was staring off into space. He slowly turned his head and looked at me, almost as if I was a ghost or a hallucination.

"Gabs?"

"Hey ya Shags." He just kept staring at me as I got closer to his bed. Once I was close enough he reached out a hand and slight caressed my face.

"You're real." He said sounding as high as a kite.

"Um yeah, are you on something? Oh yeah morphine." I chuckled slightly. There was a knock the door and in came Sam in a blue hospital shirt and pants.

"I'll give you two a minute" I said as I headed out the door. Eventually Sam came out and walked up to me.

"What are you doing her Gabby?"

"Well hello to you too. I got a call saying Deeks was in trouble and might need me so here I am." I said rolling my eyes.

"Don't hurt him again Gabs."

"Sam, you are like a cool older brother but you should know the whole story before you assume that I was the one that hurt him from the start."

"Why don't you tell me?" He said not seeming to believe me.

"Sam I did not come here to clear my name in your eyes, what happened between Deeks and I happened a long time ago."

I walked off to get myself some coffee, but once I got back to Deeks's room he wasn't there. I went to the nurses' stations where they told me he had been released at his request. I heard lots of gun shots coming from the roof so I ran up there and saw Sam hugging his wife Michelle, Deeks on his knees asking if Kensi was good. I saw the sight before me and I didn't know what to think.

I decided to go for a walk I didn't know what to think or feel I was still in love with Deeks there was no doubt but he didn't feel the same.

I finally walked into the NCIS squad room to see Deeks going through his locker

"Hey." I said as he looked up and over at me.

He replied with a "Hey, do you know if the recovered the bombs?" while he went back to what he was doing.

"Yeah, they did. They were found in a container headed for Iran." I said walking closer to him.

"How I love happy endings" He retorted putting the box on one of the benches.

"What are you doing?" I asked looking down at the box with all his stuff in it.

"Um, I don't know. I was, I was just cleaning some stuff up. That, I don't know." He then turned away from me.

I look at him, "Look I know what you are going through." He looked me straight in the eye, "I really hope that you never do." There wasn't much that I can say to that he looked like hell.

"But if you do want to talk about it or not talk at all I'm here for you."

"I just want to walk away from it."

"Yeah, so take some time off."

"I need to get away from everything ya know."

"And everyone?" With no reponse from him I knew the answer and it tour me up inside. I started to walk away before there was no more I could say or think of saying.

"Gabs."

"Yeah?" I turned back around to look at him.

"I just want you to know that the place I went to in my head to stop the pain was you." All I could do was look at him. I couldn't believe he was saying these words to me. This should be Kensi he is talking about right? Maybe he is just delirious from all the pain medication.

"I just kept thinking about, your smile, and your laugh, everything. It's the only thing that got me through. For whatever it's worth." Before I could respond I heard the doors open, and I heard Sam talking to what I assumed was his wife. Right after that I heard by brothers voice coming right from where Sam's was.

"Deeks I got you a present." Sam said as he through some fake chattering teeth at him. I thought it was really inappropriate but I didn't say anything. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw my brother who put in a pair of hillbilly fake teeth in, which also got a chuckle out of Deeks. All I could do was look at him, on the outside he looked okay, but when you looked into his eyes you could see all the pain and emotion he was hiding.

"Let's go out, drinks on me." My brother offered. All I did was stare at Deeks who started heading past me and towards them saying, "Nothing to cold, or hot or chewy…" I just stood there not sure what to do I was still stuck on what Deeks had said about it being me and not being able to believe that. When we broke up I asked him if he was in love with Kensi and he couldn't answer me. That meant he was and I would always be that other girl, he would always have her to save his life and that didn't make room for anyone else. I would always love him but I couldn't be around with the way he looked, and talked to her. The way he used to, to me. So much had changed since then and the look in his eyes was deceiving the words he had said to me.

"Are you coming Gabby?" I heard Sam asked as they were all turned around looking at me.

"I think I'm good I need to head back home."

"Aw, come on you haven't been her in three years."

"It is best for me to go Sam." I looked over at Deeks who was staring straight at me with a sad expression. It was like he could always read my mind.

"Please come with us Gabs." He finally said. I was never able to tell him no so I grabbed my duffle bag which my brother took and walked with them to car lot.

"Gabriella can you ride with me I want to talk to you." I heard Kensi ask. I nodded and got into the passenger side of her Kia. As we pulled away from the lot she started talking.

"He still loves you." I looked over to her.

"He loves you too."

"We are partners no more, no less."

"Doesn't change the way he feels about you, and I will never be you and that is what he wants."

"How did it end?" She asked looking away from the road for a second to me.

"We got into a fight about him always being at your house and never with me, out of anger I asked if he was in love with you. He would not answer so I knew from the way he looks at him and how he is always so protective of you he was."

"I don't think that is the case, even if it was then."

"Why do you say that?"

"Once you left, Deeks changed. He was not as funny and out there. He would talk about you and avoid the bar were you guys met. He would even stare for hours at the picture of you he had in his wallet." I didn't know what to say, there wasn't much to be said so we just stayed quiet until we got to the bar. I slowly got out and walked towards the door, I saw Callen, Sam and Deeks already sitting at the bar. I got up on the stool next to my brother and ordered jack on the rocks.

"Someone is trying to get drunk tonight." My brother chuckled while he elbowed me.

"Meh." I said as I downed the drink in one gulp. The burn in my throat took away from my notice of tears forming in my eyes. I was so confused, everything I heard from Kensi but not once did Deeks try to talk about what happened. Yes he told me I was his safe place when all of it was happening but I just couldn't make myself believe it because of the way he still looked at her.

I left the next morning and headed home but before then I mailed him a letter. He wouldn't get until I was long gone. The letter read:

Dear Shags,

I will always love you, there is not a doubt in my mind about that. Just as there is never a doubt in my mind you will always love her. I can't be that other girl, and I won't be. Tell Kensi to take good care of you. I know you will need it, I can tell by your eyes you are trying to be strong but your emotions are still there if anyone else took a second to look deeper than the skin. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you never have to go through something like that again. I said I understood but I never well. The closest thing I have is the man I love being in love with someone else. We probably won't see each other for a very long time, and sadly I kind of hope for that because all the pain just came back when I left you again. I am getting transferred to a different school and I think it will be the best for me. I am sorry I couldn't say this to your face.

Sincerely,

Gabriella Callen.

To this day I am not sure he ever received it, I talk to my brother once in a while but we avoid the conversation of Deeks. Last I knew him and Kensi got married and had a little boy on the way, it broke my heart but as long as he was happy that was all that mattered.


End file.
